When Sara, the woman at the centre of this blog, after years of escalating psychological and physical abuse, finally packed the children into the car and sought shelter at the nearest police station, she had only one thought in her head: to protect her children and make sure they would never again have to witness violent incidents between their parents. She was determined to show her children that she was prepared to stand up for herself, and that that she would never allow herself to let a man demean her, degrade her, use violence against her. She swore that she would never again give Paul a chance to be alone with her, and most definitely not with her and the children. But Paul was just as determined not to let Sara and the children off the hook. If Sara didn’t want to live with him, she wasn’t to have any life at all – especially not with the children, and most certainly not with another man!
During the first chaotic time after Sara’s flight from her husband, when incessant malicious harassment continued to be part of hers and the children’s daily life, Sara was convinced that their nightmare would soon be over. Up until then she had lived under the delusion that democratic societies protect upright, honest people against those that are out to harm them. When it then slowly dawned on her that the judiciary system had very limited, not to say inexistent possibilities to intervene against Paul, she, as well as all those that happened to be present at one or other of Paul’s attacks, were deeply shocked!
The major problem, when it comes to individual acts of harassment by men against former wives/partners, is not only that it is difficult to make law enforcers see them as something worth while spending energy on, but also that it is difficult to prove even that they actually happened. If the victim cannot show visible (i.e. physical) injuries that would result in a jail sentence for the offender in case of a conviction, the police do not normally even bother to start a proper investigation. The perpetrators know this, of course. In fact, every time that the police send a perpetrator off with a non-committal reprimand after yet another vicious attack, the man’s sense of superiority and “righteousness” is strengthened! Instead of hampering the abuser’s urge to “punish” the “whore” that slighted him, the police thus manage to spur him on to commit even harsher attacks!
Articles in chronological order
During the first chaotic time after Sara’s flight from her husband, when incessant malicious harassment continued to be part of hers and the children’s daily life, Sara was convinced that their nightmare would soon be over. Up until then she had lived under the delusion that democratic societies protect upright, honest people against those that are out to harm them. When it then slowly dawned on her that the judiciary system had very limited, not to say inexistent possibilities to intervene against Paul, she, as well as all those that happened to be present at one or other of Paul’s attacks, were deeply shocked!
The major problem, when it comes to individual acts of harassment by men against former wives/partners, is not only that it is difficult to make law enforcers see them as something worth while spending energy on, but also that it is difficult to prove even that they actually happened. If the victim cannot show visible (i.e. physical) injuries that would result in a jail sentence for the offender in case of a conviction, the police do not normally even bother to start a proper investigation. The perpetrators know this, of course. In fact, every time that the police send a perpetrator off with a non-committal reprimand after yet another vicious attack, the man’s sense of superiority and “righteousness” is strengthened! Instead of hampering the abuser’s urge to “punish” the “whore” that slighted him, the police thus manage to spur him on to commit even harsher attacks!
Articles in chronological order
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